Love Shouldn’t Hurt

Myth Verses Fact

Myth: It can’t happen to me.
Fact: More than 1 in 10 young adults experience physical violence in their dating relationships.

Myth: Jealousy and possessiveness are a sign of true love.
Fact: Jealousy and possessiveness are a sign that the person sees you as a possession. It is the most common early warning sign of abuse.

Myth: Teen dating violence isn’t really that serious.
Fact: Thirty percent of all women who are murdered in this country are killed by their husband or boyfriend. According to a recent study conducted in Massachusetts, one in five teen girls are abused by their boyfriends. Also, 60% of all rapes reported to rape crisis centers are committed by acquaintances, and the majority of victims are aged 16-24.

Myth: Men cannot be a victim of dating violence.
Fact: While 95% of victims of abuse are females, men can be victims as well.

Myth: Victims bring on the abuse themselves. They ask for it.
Fact: Perpetrators believe they have the right to use abuse to control their partner and they see the victim as less than equal to themselves. The victim has no control over the abuser.

Myth: If a person stays in an abusive relationship, it must not really be that bad.
Fact: People stay in abusive relationships for a number of reasons: fear, confusion, loss of self-confidence, not recognizing that what’s happening is abusive, belief that the abuser needs their help or will change.


Dating Bill of Rights

I have the right:

  *To ask for a date.
  *To suggest activities.
  *To refuse any activities, even if my date is excited about them.
  *To have my own feelings and be able to express them.
  *To say I think my partner’s information is wrong or her/his actions are unfair or inappropriate.
  *To tell someone not to interrupt me.
  *To have my limits and my values respected.
  *To tell my partner when I need something.
  *To be heard.
  *To have friends and space aside from my partner.

I have the responsibility:
  *To determine my limits and values.
  *To respect the limits of others.
  *To communicate clearly and honestly.
  *To ask for help when I need it.
  *To be considerate.
  *To check my actions/decisions to determine if they are good for me or bad for me.
  *To set high goals for myself in my dating relationships.

Questions to Ask About a Dating Partner:

1-Can you name at least five characteristics of this person you really admire and like?
2-Is this person glad you have other friends?
3-Does this person ask for your opinion about things?
4-Does this person have good relationships with his/her family and friends?
5-Does this person both talk and listen?
6-Do you consider this person a friend?
7-Do you act like yourself when you are with this person?
8-Does this person have other interests besides you?
9-Does this person want to know every detail about where you’ve been and who you’ve been with when you’re not together?
10-Does this person lose his/her temper easily?
11-Does this person get angry or hurt when you don’t pay enough attention to her/him?
12-Have you ever seen this person throw, hit or break things when angry?
13-Is this person jealous of your friends and relatives?
14-Does this person seem to have trouble controlling his/her anger?

If you have answered “Yes” to some or all of questions 9-14, you may want to talk with a trusted friend or an adult about your dating relationship. You could be in a potentially dangerous situation. Remember, you can call The Haven of Northeast Arkansas or any of the listed shelters for advice and all calls are confidential.